Types of Early Warning System Signs:
- The Filter: You start “editing” your thoughts before sharing them to avoid a specific reaction.
- The Sigh: Feeling a sense of relief when your conversation partner leaves the house or cancels a plan.
- Low-Level Dread: A mild, persistent tightness in your chest or stomach when you think about bringing up a specific topic with your conversation.
Communication Red Flags
These aren’t explosive discussions, they are the quiet erosion of quality interaction which lead to more serious arguments.
- The “Whatever” Phase: Instead of arguing to find a solution, you find yourself saying fine or whatever just to end the conversation. This is emotional withdrawal.
- The Shift to Logistics: Your conversations have become ninety percent about mundane things instead of about feelings.
- Predictable Friction: You can predict exactly how a conversation will fail before it even starts, leading to a “why bother?” mentality.
Behavioral Shifts
Look for changes in the relationship.
| Feature | Healthy Rhythm | Warning Signal |
| Humor | Playful, shared jokes. | Sarcasm with a “bite” or “just kidding” barbs. |
| Affection | Spontaneous touch/eye contact. | Touch feels performative or transactional. |
| Curiosity | Asking “How was your day?” and caring. | Making assumptions instead of asking questions. |
| Conflict | Resolving the issue at hand. | Bringing up “The Greatest Hits” (past mistakes). |
Use these questions to gauge your feelings and your relationships:
How have you been feeling about how we are spending our time? My journal says we have been spending time this way. Would you like to discuss this?
Is there anything I’ve done recently that made you feel annoyed? I’ve been keeping track of my emotions, I was upset on these days about these things. Do you want to talk about this?
What one thing this week can I do to make the week better? I’m will gladly _______.
Is there anything this week that has been annoying that I can fix? I noticed _____.
What is something you’re looking forward to us doing together? I miss _____.
Do you feel like you have enough alone time? Are we overscheduled? Do you want to look at our schedule and change things?