Vacation Countdown Starts on Monday. 30 Days of Prep to leave your desk and not worry about your projects or colleagues.
Happy Easter Weekend! | 30 Day Vacation Countdown Starts Monday! |
When you mess up, send this Jpg in an email or chat text
Goal of a Conversation | Easter Prep | Lent Prep
What is the purpose of your conversation?
- The have an answer to a question: Before you speak, ask yourself: What is the one piece of information I want them to have when I walk away?
- Give an Explanation for Starting the Conversation: Start with a context that narrows the topic. “I’d like to discuss _________.” The goal is implied by the scope.
- Getting a Yes Answer, Compromise: Use questions that lead to your desired destination of an affirmative answer.
- The Relationship Building Conversation: If your goal is creating a stronger relationship, use a low-stakes, warm tone and topic.
Do You Need a Goal Before Starting?
The short answer is yes.
The Colleague
When a colleague is focused, your goal is to gauge their “interruptibility” without actually breaking their flow yet.
- The Script: “Hey [Name], do you have a quick 30 seconds for a [Topic] question, or should I come back when you’re at a stopping point?” You give them an out by offering to come back which shows you value their work.
The Boss
Knocking on a door can feel intrusive. Your opening should bridge the gap between “I’m interrupting” and “This is worth your time.”
- The Script: “Hi [Name], do you have a moment to discuss [Project X]? I have a quick update/question that I’d like your opinion.” Stating the specific project immediately helps your boss switch mental gears so they aren’t guessing why you’re there.
The Client
In a cold call, you have about five seconds before the “sales” shield goes up. Avoid “How are you today?”
- The Script: “Hi [Name], this is [Your Name] from [Company]. I’m calling because I saw [Specific Event/Trigger], and I wanted to share a quick way we’re helping teams like yours handle [Pain Point].” This opening is researched and direct. You aren’t asking for their time; you are offering a specific piece of value based on a real-world observation.
Quick Reference: The “No-Go” vs. The “Pro”
| Scenario | Avoid This (Low Intent) | Try This (High Intent) |
| Colleague | “Got a sec?” | “Are you in the middle of something, or can I ask a quick question /favour?” |
| Boss | “Can I talk to you?” | “I have an update or issue. Do you have a second? [ Stay Standing and in the doorway.] |
| Client | “How’s your day going?” | “Morning! I’m calling to invite/let you know/find out/ |
When You are Arguing and Use the I Statement
“I” Statements vs. “You” Statements
The difference is subtle but powerful. “You” statements often sound like an attack, which triggers a “fight or flight” response in the listener.
| Situation | The “You” Statement (Avoid) | The “I” Statement (Try This) |
| Late Reply | “You always ignore my texts.” | “I feel anxious when I don’t hear back from you. I’d love a quick thumbs-up next time so I can finalize our schedule.” |
| Messy Kitchen | “You’re so lazy; you never clean up.” | “I feel overwhelmed when the counters are messy. I like to cook in a clean space. Could you please help clear the dishes before bed?” |
| Interruption | “You keep cutting me off!” | “I feel frustrated when I’m interrupted. I lose my train of thought. I’d like to finish my point.” |
Pro-Tips for Small Frustrations
- Stick to the Facts: In the “when” part of the sentence, avoid words like “always” or “never.” Instead of “When you’re always late,” try giving a specific example from some other person. “When my friends arrive 15 minutes late, it makes me feel stressed.”
Words to Avoid While Arguing | Lent Prep | Cleaning Argument style |
In personal relationships, the goal is usually connection and understanding. Using “absolutes” or “character attacks” makes the other person feel trapped and judged.
| Word/Phrase | Why it’s Dangerous | Better Alternative |
| “Always” / “Never” | These are rarely factually true and make the person feel like a lost cause. | “In this specific instance…” |
| “But” | It effectively erases everything you said before it (e.g., “I love you, but…”). | Use “And” or “At the same time…” |
| “Anyway” | A dismissive way to shut down the other person’s feelings mid-sentence. | “I hear you. Let’s look at…” |
| “Calm down” | This almost always has the opposite effect. It minimizes their emotions. | “I can see you’re upset. I want to listen.” |
| “Divorce” / “Over” | Using the “nuclear option” during a minor spat destroys trust and security. | Keep the focus on the current issue. |
In a professional setting, the goal is problem-solving and efficiency. Words that imply a lack of accountability or emotional volatility can damage your reputation.
- “Fair”: Using the phrase “It’s not fair” can sound juvenile in a business context. Work isn’t always balanced; focus on impact or resources instead.
- “Actually”: This often comes across as condescending or “mansplaining.” It creates a power struggle over who is “more right.”
- “Whatever”: This is the ultimate passive-aggressive shutdown. It signals that you’ve checked out and no longer respect the process.
- “Fault”: Pointing fingers creates a culture of fear. Focus on the root cause of the error rather than the person behind it.
- “Obviously”: If it were obvious, you probably wouldn’t be arguing. This makes the other person feel unintelligent.
Early Warning System | Easter Prep | Cleaning Relationships
Types of Early Warning System Signs:
- The Filter: You start “editing” your thoughts before sharing them to avoid a specific reaction.
- The Sigh: Feeling a sense of relief when your conversation partner leaves the house or cancels a plan.
- Low-Level Dread: A mild, persistent tightness in your chest or stomach when you think about bringing up a specific topic with your conversation.
Communication Red Flags
These aren’t explosive discussions, they are the quiet erosion of quality interaction which lead to more serious arguments.
- The “Whatever” Phase: Instead of arguing to find a solution, you find yourself saying fine or whatever just to end the conversation. This is emotional withdrawal.
- The Shift to Logistics: Your conversations have become ninety percent about mundane things instead of about feelings.
- Predictable Friction: You can predict exactly how a conversation will fail before it even starts, leading to a “why bother?” mentality.
Behavioral Shifts
Look for changes in the relationship.
| Feature | Healthy Rhythm | Warning Signal |
| Humor | Playful, shared jokes. | Sarcasm with a “bite” or “just kidding” barbs. |
| Affection | Spontaneous touch/eye contact. | Touch feels performative or transactional. |
| Curiosity | Asking “How was your day?” and caring. | Making assumptions instead of asking questions. |
| Conflict | Resolving the issue at hand. | Bringing up “The Greatest Hits” (past mistakes). |
Use these questions to gauge your feelings and your relationships:
How have you been feeling about how we are spending our time? My journal says we have been spending time this way. Would you like to discuss this?
Is there anything I’ve done recently that made you feel annoyed? I’ve been keeping track of my emotions, I was upset on these days about these things. Do you want to talk about this?
What one thing this week can I do to make the week better? I’m will gladly _______.
Is there anything this week that has been annoying that I can fix? I noticed _____.
What is something you’re looking forward to us doing together? I miss _____.
Do you feel like you have enough alone time? Are we overscheduled? Do you want to look at our schedule and change things?