Tag: health coaching

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Eye Contact and Body Language for Conversations | Lent Prep | Easter Prep |

Body Language for a Conversation

At work make sure your work colleagues know you are listening by using:

  • The “Active Listening” Lean: Slightly lean towards the speaker communicating interest in their words. Slouching back can be interpreted as someone who is getting upset or that your volume is too loud. 
  • Open Posture: Crossing your arms often acts as a physical barrier and suggests defensiveness.  If you find yourself crossing your arms, take a break from the conversation.
  • Mirroring: Mirroring the person you’re speaking with can build a rapport. Do not Mimmic them.

The “rules” of engagement shift significantly when you cross borders. Here is a breakdown of how eye contact and body language typically function in these regions:

Confidence and directness are the primary currencies of professional interaction.

  • Eye Contact: Americans expect  direct and consistent eye contact.  If you avoid eye contact it may be misinterpreted as shyness. You don’t need to maintain 100% eye contact to be a good listener. Aim for about 70% of the time while they are talking, and 50% of the time while you are talking. This allows for natural “processing breaks” where you look away to think.
  • Physical Space: Americans value personal space. An arm’s length 2–3 feet during a conversation is acceptable.

Too Close (Under 1.5 feet): Entering this distance while walking can feel aggressive or overly familiar and cause the other person to edge away.

Too Far (Over 4 feet): This makes conversation difficult especially in noisy locations. The extra distance can make the interaction feel disjointed or cold or increase the volume of the conversation and make it more aggressive.

Gestures that are animated are generally acceptable.

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Volume Control For Conversations

Working in an office or a shared workspace requires volume levels that are different than in social settings.

The Work Environment Volume Scale

In a professional setting, you generally use three volume levels. Anything higher or lower may signal a conflict or problem in the workplace.

LevelNameBest Used For…How it Feels
Level 1The HuddleQuick conversation at a desk or public space location. Aiming your voice only 1–2 feet in front of you.
Level 2The CollaborativeStandard meeting room or open-plan discussion.Projecting just enough to reach the everyone sitting at the conference table.
Level 3The PresenterSpeaking at a podium in a large conference room, banquet room or outside.Engaging the diaphragm; speaking with strength.

How to Request a Volume Change

  • To a “Loud” Colleague:
    • Direct: “[Name], I’m having trouble working on this report with a set deadline. Would you mind dropping the volume?” “Could you move that conversation to the conference room?”
    • The “Meeting” Pivot: “This is a great discussion, take a seat.”
  • To a “Quiet” Colleague:
    • The “Check-In”: “I’m really interested in what you’re talking about. Could you speak up a bit.”
    • The Proximity Fix: “Would you like to finish this discussion in the conference room? The noise level here is a bit distracting.”

3. Does Your Volume Change Theirs?

Yes, absolutely. This is a psychological phenomenon known as Vocal Accommodation.

Humans have a natural tendency to mirror the energy and volume of the persons in the conversation. This is a subconscious way of building rapport.

  • The “Lowering” Effect: If someone is speaking too loudly, respond in a very calm, controlled, and slightly lower volume. They will often subconsciously lower their own voice to match yours.
  • The “Lifting” Effect: If someone is whispering, you will likely find yourself whispering back. If you need them to speak up, maintain a steady, clear Level 2 volume; they will often rise to meet you.
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Conversation rules for Work and Casual Conversation| Easter Prep

There are three main rules for casual social conversation structure. This common framework structures a conversation or chat into three phases:

  1. The Hook (1 Topic): An introductory observation or “small talk” topic (the weather, the event you’re at, a shared environment).
  2. The Meat (1–2 Topics): Moving into something more personal or specific (hobbies, recent projects, travel plans). This is where the real connection happens.
  3. The Exit (Closing): Bringing the conversation back to a high-level summary or a future-facing comment before wrapping up.

Regardless of the number of topics in your conversation, the level of engagement is an indicator that you have the right topic count. Consider stopping, transitioning or pausing the conversation if you notice:

  • The “One-Word” Wall: The other person starts giving short, non-committal answers (e.g., “Yeah,” “Cool,” “Totally”).
  • Physical Cues: They begin looking at their watch, checking their phone, or angling their body toward an exit.
  • Topic Exhaustion: You find yourself “reaching” for something to say or repeating points you’ve already made.
  • The “Lull”: A silence that lasts longer than five seconds often signals that the natural energy of that specific chat has peaked.

Ending a conversation is an art form—you want to leave the door open for future interaction without making the current one feel like it’s dragging on.

The most effective exit lines usually follow a simple formula: The Validation (acknowledging the chat) + The Pivot (stating your next move) + The Future (a parting well-wish).

Here are a Few Professional & Business Exits

  • The “Time-Conscious” Move: “I’ll let you get back to work. It’s been great catching up on the project!”
  • The “Next Task” Pivot: “I have a 2:00 PM meeting to prep for now. Let’s touch base later this week, OK?”
  • The “Action Item” Close: “That’s a great point! I’ll think about it after I finish this report—talk soon!”
  • The “Introduction” Exit (Events): “It’s been great meeting you. I’m going to get ready to listen to the keynote speech. Did you already pick a place to sit?”

Casual & Social Exits

  • The “Natural Break”: “I’m going to go grab lunch/coffee, it was so good chatting with you!”
  • The “Checking In” Exit: “I promised I’d check in with [Name] before they leave. Have a great rest of your night!”
  • The “Short & Sweet”: “I’ve got to head out now, It was really interesting hearing about your trip!”

The “Universal” Three-Step Exit | Pro-Tips for a Smooth Departure

  • Body Language Matters: Start subtly angling your feet or body toward the exit about 30 seconds before you say your exit line. It “primes” the other person for the end of the chat.
  • Offer to exchange data or meet again.
  • Don’t Over-Explain: You don’t need to give a detailed itinerary of why you’re leaving. “I have something I need to take care of” is perfectly valid.
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Safe Places in Conversations | Topics to Talk About At Work | Lent Prep

The goal with strangers and with work colleagues is to be friendly, but professional enough to avoid heated discussions.

Here are several categories of safe, engaging conversation starters for the workplace.

  • The Weekend: “What Did you do over the weekend? anything fun?
  • The Commute: “Did you commute this morning? It seems worse than usual today. How long is your commute?”
  • Local Happenings: “Did you see the bookstore popup down the street?”

Work Focused Icebreakers

  • Expertise: “I saw your presentation yesterday; how did you get so comfortable with public speaking? Did you go to toastmasters?”
  • Workflow: “How are you staying organized when things get busy?”
  • Career History: “How long have you been with the company? What’s the biggest change you’ve seen since you started?”
  • Streaming/Movies: “I’m looking for a new show to watch any Netflix suggestions?
  • Food: “I’m trying to meal prep. Where did you get your lunchbox?”
  • Travel: “Do you have any trips planned for the summer? I’m looking for some travel inspiration. Did you see the deals on NAME A TRAVEL WEBSITE.

Topics to Avoid at Work and with Strangers

  • Religion
  • Abortion/Politics
  • Personal Finances/Gossip/Family
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When You are Arguing and Use the I Statement

“I” Statements vs. “You” Statements

The difference is subtle but powerful. “You” statements often sound like an attack, which triggers a “fight or flight” response in the listener.

SituationThe “You” Statement (Avoid)The “I” Statement (Try This)
Late Reply“You always ignore my texts.”“I feel anxious when I don’t hear back from you. I’d love a quick thumbs-up next time so I can finalize our schedule.”
Messy Kitchen“You’re so lazy; you never clean up.”“I feel overwhelmed when the counters are messy. I like to cook in a clean space. Could you please help clear the dishes before bed?”
Interruption“You keep cutting me off!”“I feel frustrated when I’m interrupted. I lose my train of thought. I’d like to finish my point.”

Pro-Tips for Small Frustrations

  • Stick to the Facts: In the “when” part of the sentence, avoid words like “always” or “never.” Instead of “When you’re always late,” try giving a specific example from some other person. “When my friends arrive 15 minutes late, it makes me feel stressed.”
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An Apology Email for Missed Appointment | Assignment |

1. Professional (Missing a Deadline or Meeting)

Use this for colleagues or clients when you’ve made a mistake that impacts their workflow.

Apologize for a missed appointment

Subject: Apology regarding [Project Name/Meeting]

Hi [Name],

I am writing to sincerely apologize for [missing the deadline/missing our meeting] earlier today. I understand that this has caused a delay or a need to reschedule and I take full responsibility for the oversight and lack of communication.

I am currently [mention the fix, e.g., finishing the report/sending over the notes] and will have it to you by [Time/Day]. I’m taking steps to ensure this doesn’t happen again.

Thank you for your patience.

Best regards,

[Your Name]

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Signal a Pause or End to a Conversation | Cleaning Up an Arguing Style |Lent Pause

Ending a conversation that’s spiraling or running over into another topic can be tricky, especially when people are still “in the zone.” The goal is to be a firm but appreciative.

Here are several ways to wrap things up, depending on how much time you have left:

The “Five-Minute Warning” (Pre-emptive)

Setting expectations early prevents a jarring stop.

  • “We have about five minutes left for this conversation based on the time we set on our timer. What next step do you want to take so we can get closer to a resolution.
  • I’m getting a bit tired and need a break. let’s summarize what we’ve decided.”
  • “I hear you. We need to schedule more time for this discussion, let’s take one last comment before we stop.”

The “Hard Stop” Statements

Use these when the clock has actually hit the limit:

  • “I’ve reached my limit on this topic. I know there’s more to discuss, so let’s move the rest of this to another scheduled time for this discussion.”
  • “I have to jump away from this conversation, we have to PICK A CHORE, and I want to make sure we are focused on the discussion and not our to do list. Let’s pick this back up on [Day].”
  • “That’s it for me. let’s pause a second stare at each other and wonder how we got into this situation. Write it down on a piece of paper and I will read it out loud back to you.”

Comparison of Closing Styles

SituationUse This Statement…Tone
Running Over“I’m going to stop  our discussion here so we can stay on schedule.”Lighthearted but Firm
Unresolved Debate“It’s clear we need another discussion. Decisive
Productive Flow“This is a great start. Let’s continue building to a resolution.”Encouraging

Often, the most effective “statement” is a physical one. Closing your laptop, capping your pen, or standing up (if in person) signals to the room’s collective subconscious that the session is over and needs another meeting.

Follow Up Email or Text:

Text to Send After Discussion: Thanks for the time today. Since our discussion ended before we could reach a conclusion on the topic, I wanted to schedule a follow-up discussion.

Here are the points we agreed on so we can start from there next time? When would be a good time for you ? I’m hoping we can have a clear decision and make our relationship stronger.

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Words to Avoid While Arguing | Lent Prep | Cleaning Argument style |

In personal relationships, the goal is usually connection and understanding. Using “absolutes” or “character attacks” makes the other person feel trapped and judged.

Word/PhraseWhy it’s DangerousBetter Alternative
“Always” / “Never”These are rarely factually true and make the person feel like a lost cause.“In this specific instance…”
“But”It effectively erases everything you said before it (e.g., “I love you, but…”).Use “And” or “At the same time…”
“Anyway”A dismissive way to shut down the other person’s feelings mid-sentence.“I hear you. Let’s look at…”
“Calm down”This almost always has the opposite effect. It minimizes their emotions.“I can see you’re upset. I want to listen.”
“Divorce” / “Over”Using the “nuclear option” during a minor spat destroys trust and security.Keep the focus on the current issue.

In a professional setting, the goal is problem-solving and efficiency. Words that imply a lack of accountability or emotional volatility can damage your reputation.

  • “Fair”: Using the phrase “It’s not fair” can sound juvenile in a business context. Work isn’t always balanced; focus on impact or resources instead.
  • “Actually”: This often comes across as condescending or “mansplaining.” It creates a power struggle over who is “more right.”
  • “Whatever”: This is the ultimate passive-aggressive shutdown. It signals that you’ve checked out and no longer respect the process.
  • “Fault”: Pointing fingers creates a culture of fear. Focus on the root cause of the error rather than the person behind it.
  • “Obviously”: If it were obvious, you probably wouldn’t be arguing. This makes the other person feel unintelligent.

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Compliments | Cleaning Up Argument Style | Lent Prep |

In a high-stakes or heated work discussion, a well-placed written compliment acts as a de-escalation tool. It shifts the dynamic from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem” by validating the other person’s professional value without necessarily conceding your technical point.

The Respect your knowledge Pivot

When you disagree on a direction, lead with a compliment regarding their specialized knowledge.

  • The Script: I see the logic in your approach. My concern is specifically about the timeline…”
  • Why it works: It acknowledges their focus on facts and logic before you introduce a conflict.

The Strategy

If an argument is getting circular or heated, compliment their engagement or passion. This reframes the conflict as shared investment in the project.

The email no. __

In a long email chain where misunderstandings may be fueled. Begin a new email with a summary and a compliment. Articulate a specific point, even if you disagree with the conclusion.

Best Practices for “Conflict Compliments”

RuleDescription
Avoid “But”Replace “You’re great, but…” with “You’re great, and my perspective is…” This prevents the compliment from feeling like a hollow setup for a hit.
Be BriefIn an argument, long-winded praise can feel patronizing, too short can sound sarcastic.
Focus on IntentIf their method is wrong, compliment their intent. (“I know your goal is to save the team time, which I truly appreciate…”)

The Post-Argument “Olive Branch”

Sometimes the best written compliment happens after the meeting. Sending a quick follow-up message with a JPG to avoid creating a permanent grudge.

Example: “Hey, thanks for the candid feedback in the meeting today. I really admire that you aren’t afraid to challenge the status quo—it helps the whole team think critically. Let’s touch base on the final version tomorrow over coffee?