Tag: Daily Storey

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Goal of a Conversation | Easter Prep | Lent Prep

What is the purpose of your conversation?

  • The have an answer to a question: Before you speak, ask yourself: What is the one piece of information I want them to have when I walk away?
  • Give an Explanation for Starting the Conversation: Start with a context that narrows the topic. “I’d like to discuss _________.” The goal is implied by the scope.
  • Getting a Yes Answer, Compromise: Use questions that lead to your desired destination of an affirmative answer.
  • The Relationship Building Conversation: If your goal is creating a stronger relationship, use a low-stakes, warm tone and topic.

Do You Need a Goal Before Starting?

The short answer is yes.

The Colleague

When a colleague is focused, your goal is to gauge their “interruptibility” without actually breaking their flow yet.

  • The Script: “Hey [Name], do you have a quick 30 seconds for a [Topic] question, or should I come back when you’re at a stopping point?” You give them an out by offering to come back which shows you value their work.

The Boss

Knocking on a door can feel intrusive. Your opening should bridge the gap between “I’m interrupting” and “This is worth your time.”

  • The Script: “Hi [Name], do you have a moment to discuss [Project X]? I have a quick update/question that I’d like your opinion.” Stating the specific project immediately helps your boss switch mental gears so they aren’t guessing why you’re there.

The Client

In a cold call, you have about five seconds before the “sales” shield goes up. Avoid “How are you today?”

  • The Script: “Hi [Name], this is [Your Name] from [Company]. I’m calling because I saw [Specific Event/Trigger], and I wanted to share a quick way we’re helping teams like yours handle [Pain Point].” This opening is researched and direct. You aren’t asking for their time; you are offering a specific piece of value based on a real-world observation.

Quick Reference: The “No-Go” vs. The “Pro”

ScenarioAvoid This (Low Intent)Try This (High Intent)
Colleague“Got a sec?”“Are you in the middle of something, or can I ask a quick question /favour?”
Boss“Can I talk to you?”“I have an update or issue. Do you have a second? [ Stay Standing and in the doorway.]
Client“How’s your day going?”“Morning! I’m calling to invite/let you know/find out/
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Personal Boundary Space During a Conversation | Greeting | Easter Prep |

There are unspoken rules for space and touch during a conversation that determine how comfortable people feel during an interaction. Understanding these helps prevent “space invading” and ensures both parties feel safe and respected.

The Four Zones of Personal Space

Sociologists state that there are four distinct “proxemic” boundary zones.  

ZoneDistanceTypical Relationship
Intimate0 – 18 inchesClose family, partners, or very close friends.
Personal1.5 – 4 feetFriends, coworkers, and acquaintances.
Social4 – 12 feetNew acquaintances, formal business, or groups.
Public12+ feetPublic speaking or passing strangers.

During a conversation you may encounter:

Handshakes, high-fives, or a hand on the shoulder or elbow.

Standing face-to-face or in an angled direction.

Different forms of eye contact from too much to too little.

The dynamics of being at different heights. A feeling of boundary violation may occur if the conversationalists are at extreme height differences.

How to Define Your Boundaries

You have every right to decide how much space you need. 

If the other person is too close, you have the right to pivot your body away from theirs or take a step back and place an object between you like a tablet or a chair.

If you don’t want to be hugged or to shake hands, a polite wave, ”Hang Ten”, hand over heart or a slight bow works to acknowledge someone in a respectful way and avoid touching.

If someone ignores your physical cues, it’s okay to end the conversation. Be clear. Use “I” statements to keep it from sounding like an attack on that person:

  • “Do you mind if we step back a bit/Do you mind if we continue this later? I have to leave soon.”
  • “It’s great to see you! I no longer shake hands with anyone except at contract signings.  It has to do with clearance, work and security, fun things that go with promotion.”
  • “Wow! I’m not used to talking so closely to someone. Have you been living in Europe?”
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Eye Contact and Body Language for Conversations | Lent Prep | Easter Prep |

Body Language for a Conversation

At work make sure your work colleagues know you are listening by using:

  • The “Active Listening” Lean: Slightly lean towards the speaker communicating interest in their words. Slouching back can be interpreted as someone who is getting upset or that your volume is too loud. 
  • Open Posture: Crossing your arms often acts as a physical barrier and suggests defensiveness.  If you find yourself crossing your arms, take a break from the conversation.
  • Mirroring: Mirroring the person you’re speaking with can build a rapport. Do not Mimmic them.

The “rules” of engagement shift significantly when you cross borders. Here is a breakdown of how eye contact and body language typically function in these regions:

Confidence and directness are the primary currencies of professional interaction.

  • Eye Contact: Americans expect  direct and consistent eye contact.  If you avoid eye contact it may be misinterpreted as shyness. You don’t need to maintain 100% eye contact to be a good listener. Aim for about 70% of the time while they are talking, and 50% of the time while you are talking. This allows for natural “processing breaks” where you look away to think.
  • Physical Space: Americans value personal space. An arm’s length 2–3 feet during a conversation is acceptable.

Too Close (Under 1.5 feet): Entering this distance while walking can feel aggressive or overly familiar and cause the other person to edge away.

Too Far (Over 4 feet): This makes conversation difficult especially in noisy locations. The extra distance can make the interaction feel disjointed or cold or increase the volume of the conversation and make it more aggressive.

Gestures that are animated are generally acceptable.

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Volume Control For Conversations

Working in an office or a shared workspace requires volume levels that are different than in social settings.

The Work Environment Volume Scale

In a professional setting, you generally use three volume levels. Anything higher or lower may signal a conflict or problem in the workplace.

LevelNameBest Used For…How it Feels
Level 1The HuddleQuick conversation at a desk or public space location. Aiming your voice only 1–2 feet in front of you.
Level 2The CollaborativeStandard meeting room or open-plan discussion.Projecting just enough to reach the everyone sitting at the conference table.
Level 3The PresenterSpeaking at a podium in a large conference room, banquet room or outside.Engaging the diaphragm; speaking with strength.

How to Request a Volume Change

  • To a “Loud” Colleague:
    • Direct: “[Name], I’m having trouble working on this report with a set deadline. Would you mind dropping the volume?” “Could you move that conversation to the conference room?”
    • The “Meeting” Pivot: “This is a great discussion, take a seat.”
  • To a “Quiet” Colleague:
    • The “Check-In”: “I’m really interested in what you’re talking about. Could you speak up a bit.”
    • The Proximity Fix: “Would you like to finish this discussion in the conference room? The noise level here is a bit distracting.”

3. Does Your Volume Change Theirs?

Yes, absolutely. This is a psychological phenomenon known as Vocal Accommodation.

Humans have a natural tendency to mirror the energy and volume of the persons in the conversation. This is a subconscious way of building rapport.

  • The “Lowering” Effect: If someone is speaking too loudly, respond in a very calm, controlled, and slightly lower volume. They will often subconsciously lower their own voice to match yours.
  • The “Lifting” Effect: If someone is whispering, you will likely find yourself whispering back. If you need them to speak up, maintain a steady, clear Level 2 volume; they will often rise to meet you.
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Safe Places in Conversations | Topics to Talk About At Work | Lent Prep

The goal with strangers and with work colleagues is to be friendly, but professional enough to avoid heated discussions.

Here are several categories of safe, engaging conversation starters for the workplace.

  • The Weekend: “What Did you do over the weekend? anything fun?
  • The Commute: “Did you commute this morning? It seems worse than usual today. How long is your commute?”
  • Local Happenings: “Did you see the bookstore popup down the street?”

Work Focused Icebreakers

  • Expertise: “I saw your presentation yesterday; how did you get so comfortable with public speaking? Did you go to toastmasters?”
  • Workflow: “How are you staying organized when things get busy?”
  • Career History: “How long have you been with the company? What’s the biggest change you’ve seen since you started?”
  • Streaming/Movies: “I’m looking for a new show to watch any Netflix suggestions?
  • Food: “I’m trying to meal prep. Where did you get your lunchbox?”
  • Travel: “Do you have any trips planned for the summer? I’m looking for some travel inspiration. Did you see the deals on NAME A TRAVEL WEBSITE.

Topics to Avoid at Work and with Strangers

  • Religion
  • Abortion/Politics
  • Personal Finances/Gossip/Family
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An Apology Email for Missed Appointment | Assignment |

1. Professional (Missing a Deadline or Meeting)

Use this for colleagues or clients when you’ve made a mistake that impacts their workflow.

Apologize for a missed appointment

Subject: Apology regarding [Project Name/Meeting]

Hi [Name],

I am writing to sincerely apologize for [missing the deadline/missing our meeting] earlier today. I understand that this has caused a delay or a need to reschedule and I take full responsibility for the oversight and lack of communication.

I am currently [mention the fix, e.g., finishing the report/sending over the notes] and will have it to you by [Time/Day]. I’m taking steps to ensure this doesn’t happen again.

Thank you for your patience.

Best regards,

[Your Name]

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Words to Avoid While Arguing | Lent Prep | Cleaning Argument style |

In personal relationships, the goal is usually connection and understanding. Using “absolutes” or “character attacks” makes the other person feel trapped and judged.

Word/PhraseWhy it’s DangerousBetter Alternative
“Always” / “Never”These are rarely factually true and make the person feel like a lost cause.“In this specific instance…”
“But”It effectively erases everything you said before it (e.g., “I love you, but…”).Use “And” or “At the same time…”
“Anyway”A dismissive way to shut down the other person’s feelings mid-sentence.“I hear you. Let’s look at…”
“Calm down”This almost always has the opposite effect. It minimizes their emotions.“I can see you’re upset. I want to listen.”
“Divorce” / “Over”Using the “nuclear option” during a minor spat destroys trust and security.Keep the focus on the current issue.

In a professional setting, the goal is problem-solving and efficiency. Words that imply a lack of accountability or emotional volatility can damage your reputation.

  • “Fair”: Using the phrase “It’s not fair” can sound juvenile in a business context. Work isn’t always balanced; focus on impact or resources instead.
  • “Actually”: This often comes across as condescending or “mansplaining.” It creates a power struggle over who is “more right.”
  • “Whatever”: This is the ultimate passive-aggressive shutdown. It signals that you’ve checked out and no longer respect the process.
  • “Fault”: Pointing fingers creates a culture of fear. Focus on the root cause of the error rather than the person behind it.
  • “Obviously”: If it were obvious, you probably wouldn’t be arguing. This makes the other person feel unintelligent.

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Interruption Styles | Discussions | Easter / Lent Prep

Today, figure out the ways that you interrupt conversations and why.

Competitive Interruptions

This is the most “traditional” form of interrupting. The goal is to direct the conversation toward the interrupter’s agenda.

Cooperative Interruptions

Common in “high-engagement” cultures, these are meant to show enthusiasm and rapport. The interrupter isn’t trying to stop the speaker; they are trying to participate in the thought.

Intrusive Interruptions

These are often perceived as the most disruptive because they break the speaker’s train of thought without adding value to the topic at hand.

Silent or Non-Verbal Interruptions

You don’t always need to speak to interrupt. These patterns signal that the listener has checked out or is waiting for their turn.

Pattern TypePrimary IntentTypical Impact
CompetitiveControl the narrativeFrustration, loss of original point
CooperativeShow connection/energyCan feel overwhelming or supportive
IntrusiveClarification or distractionConfusion, broken flow
SilentSignal readiness to speakPressure to finish quickly

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HALT – Dealing With Triggers | Cleaning Up Arguments |

Here are a few phrase that act as a timeout during an argument that is facing a HALT trigger:

  • For Hunger :“I really want to hear what you’re saying and give this my full attention, but I’m realizing my blood sugar is crashed and I’m starting to get irritable. Can we pause for 20 minutes while I grab a snack so I can be more present?”
  • For Fatigue :“I care about this, but I am so exhausted right now that I’m not thinking clearly. I don’t want to say something I don’t mean because I’m tired. Can we pick this back up tomorrow morning after coffee?”
  • For Physical Pain :“My [back/head/etc.] is really hurting right now, and it’s making it hard for me to stay calm. I’m starting to feel defensive because of the pain. Let me take some ibuprofen and rest for a bit, and then let’s finish this.”

The Three Golden Rules of a Timeout

To ensure the other person doesn’t feel blocked, which can escalate their anxiety, follow the following guidelines:

  1. Use “I” Statements: Focus on your own physical state such as, “I am feeling overwhelmed”. rather than how they are behaving.
  2. Give a Time frame: Always tell them when you will be ready to continue the argument and how you would like to continue arguing.
  3. Reassure the Connection: Briefly mention that the relationship or the topic is important to you, which lowers the stakes of the pause.

By naming the physical sensation—hunger, pain, or exhaustion—you move the conflict from an emotional battle to a logistical problem. It takes a negative label off your partner and places it on the biological factor that is actually causing the friction.

If you are so angry that you need a pause and don’t want to talk anymore, use these text messages:

“Hey, I’m feeling really overwhelmed and [tired/hungry] right now. Can we take a 30-minute break so I can reset? We can start chatting by text in thirty minutes.

“I’m having a hard time focusing because of physical pain. [headache/back pain/fatigue]. I really want to hear you out, but I need to go take some meds maybe lay down for a bit. Lets restart this tomorrow or after the meds have taken the pain away. “

“I’m starting to feel angry and I don’t want to take it out on you. I’m going to grab some food and clear my head. I love you—let’s pick this back up in a few hours by text OK?”

Tips for Sending the “Timeout” Text

  • The “Check-Back” Time: Always include a specific time or duration to prevent the other person from feeling like they are being ignored.
  • The “I Love You” Buffer: If it’s a partner or close friend, adding a small reassurance like “I care about this” or “I love you” helps lower their defensive walls while you’re away.
  • Silence the Notifications: Once you send the text, put your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ for the duration of your break.