Tag: Daily Storey

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Eye Contact and Body Language for Conversations | Lent Prep | Easter Prep |

Body Language for a Conversation

At work make sure your work colleagues know you are listening by using:

  • The “Active Listening” Lean: Slightly lean towards the speaker communicating interest in their words. Slouching back can be interpreted as someone who is getting upset or that your volume is too loud. 
  • Open Posture: Crossing your arms often acts as a physical barrier and suggests defensiveness.  If you find yourself crossing your arms, take a break from the conversation.
  • Mirroring: Mirroring the person you’re speaking with can build a rapport. Do not Mimmic them.

The “rules” of engagement shift significantly when you cross borders. Here is a breakdown of how eye contact and body language typically function in these regions:

Confidence and directness are the primary currencies of professional interaction.

  • Eye Contact: Americans expect  direct and consistent eye contact.  If you avoid eye contact it may be misinterpreted as shyness. You don’t need to maintain 100% eye contact to be a good listener. Aim for about 70% of the time while they are talking, and 50% of the time while you are talking. This allows for natural “processing breaks” where you look away to think.
  • Physical Space: Americans value personal space. An arm’s length 2–3 feet during a conversation is acceptable.

Too Close (Under 1.5 feet): Entering this distance while walking can feel aggressive or overly familiar and cause the other person to edge away.

Too Far (Over 4 feet): This makes conversation difficult especially in noisy locations. The extra distance can make the interaction feel disjointed or cold or increase the volume of the conversation and make it more aggressive.

Gestures that are animated are generally acceptable.

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Volume Control For Conversations

Working in an office or a shared workspace requires volume levels that are different than in social settings.

The Work Environment Volume Scale

In a professional setting, you generally use three volume levels. Anything higher or lower may signal a conflict or problem in the workplace.

LevelNameBest Used For…How it Feels
Level 1The HuddleQuick conversation at a desk or public space location. Aiming your voice only 1–2 feet in front of you.
Level 2The CollaborativeStandard meeting room or open-plan discussion.Projecting just enough to reach the everyone sitting at the conference table.
Level 3The PresenterSpeaking at a podium in a large conference room, banquet room or outside.Engaging the diaphragm; speaking with strength.

How to Request a Volume Change

  • To a “Loud” Colleague:
    • Direct: “[Name], I’m having trouble working on this report with a set deadline. Would you mind dropping the volume?” “Could you move that conversation to the conference room?”
    • The “Meeting” Pivot: “This is a great discussion, take a seat.”
  • To a “Quiet” Colleague:
    • The “Check-In”: “I’m really interested in what you’re talking about. Could you speak up a bit.”
    • The Proximity Fix: “Would you like to finish this discussion in the conference room? The noise level here is a bit distracting.”

3. Does Your Volume Change Theirs?

Yes, absolutely. This is a psychological phenomenon known as Vocal Accommodation.

Humans have a natural tendency to mirror the energy and volume of the persons in the conversation. This is a subconscious way of building rapport.

  • The “Lowering” Effect: If someone is speaking too loudly, respond in a very calm, controlled, and slightly lower volume. They will often subconsciously lower their own voice to match yours.
  • The “Lifting” Effect: If someone is whispering, you will likely find yourself whispering back. If you need them to speak up, maintain a steady, clear Level 2 volume; they will often rise to meet you.
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Safe Places in Conversations | Topics to Talk About At Work | Lent Prep

The goal with strangers and with work colleagues is to be friendly, but professional enough to avoid heated discussions.

Here are several categories of safe, engaging conversation starters for the workplace.

  • The Weekend: “What Did you do over the weekend? anything fun?
  • The Commute: “Did you commute this morning? It seems worse than usual today. How long is your commute?”
  • Local Happenings: “Did you see the bookstore popup down the street?”

Work Focused Icebreakers

  • Expertise: “I saw your presentation yesterday; how did you get so comfortable with public speaking? Did you go to toastmasters?”
  • Workflow: “How are you staying organized when things get busy?”
  • Career History: “How long have you been with the company? What’s the biggest change you’ve seen since you started?”
  • Streaming/Movies: “I’m looking for a new show to watch any Netflix suggestions?
  • Food: “I’m trying to meal prep. Where did you get your lunchbox?”
  • Travel: “Do you have any trips planned for the summer? I’m looking for some travel inspiration. Did you see the deals on NAME A TRAVEL WEBSITE.

Topics to Avoid at Work and with Strangers

  • Religion
  • Abortion/Politics
  • Personal Finances/Gossip/Family
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An Apology Email for Missed Appointment | Assignment |

1. Professional (Missing a Deadline or Meeting)

Use this for colleagues or clients when you’ve made a mistake that impacts their workflow.

Apologize for a missed appointment

Subject: Apology regarding [Project Name/Meeting]

Hi [Name],

I am writing to sincerely apologize for [missing the deadline/missing our meeting] earlier today. I understand that this has caused a delay or a need to reschedule and I take full responsibility for the oversight and lack of communication.

I am currently [mention the fix, e.g., finishing the report/sending over the notes] and will have it to you by [Time/Day]. I’m taking steps to ensure this doesn’t happen again.

Thank you for your patience.

Best regards,

[Your Name]

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Words to Avoid While Arguing | Lent Prep | Cleaning Argument style |

In personal relationships, the goal is usually connection and understanding. Using “absolutes” or “character attacks” makes the other person feel trapped and judged.

Word/PhraseWhy it’s DangerousBetter Alternative
“Always” / “Never”These are rarely factually true and make the person feel like a lost cause.“In this specific instance…”
“But”It effectively erases everything you said before it (e.g., “I love you, but…”).Use “And” or “At the same time…”
“Anyway”A dismissive way to shut down the other person’s feelings mid-sentence.“I hear you. Let’s look at…”
“Calm down”This almost always has the opposite effect. It minimizes their emotions.“I can see you’re upset. I want to listen.”
“Divorce” / “Over”Using the “nuclear option” during a minor spat destroys trust and security.Keep the focus on the current issue.

In a professional setting, the goal is problem-solving and efficiency. Words that imply a lack of accountability or emotional volatility can damage your reputation.

  • “Fair”: Using the phrase “It’s not fair” can sound juvenile in a business context. Work isn’t always balanced; focus on impact or resources instead.
  • “Actually”: This often comes across as condescending or “mansplaining.” It creates a power struggle over who is “more right.”
  • “Whatever”: This is the ultimate passive-aggressive shutdown. It signals that you’ve checked out and no longer respect the process.
  • “Fault”: Pointing fingers creates a culture of fear. Focus on the root cause of the error rather than the person behind it.
  • “Obviously”: If it were obvious, you probably wouldn’t be arguing. This makes the other person feel unintelligent.

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Interruption Styles | Discussions | Easter / Lent Prep

Today, figure out the ways that you interrupt conversations and why.

Competitive Interruptions

This is the most “traditional” form of interrupting. The goal is to direct the conversation toward the interrupter’s agenda.

Cooperative Interruptions

Common in “high-engagement” cultures, these are meant to show enthusiasm and rapport. The interrupter isn’t trying to stop the speaker; they are trying to participate in the thought.

Intrusive Interruptions

These are often perceived as the most disruptive because they break the speaker’s train of thought without adding value to the topic at hand.

Silent or Non-Verbal Interruptions

You don’t always need to speak to interrupt. These patterns signal that the listener has checked out or is waiting for their turn.

Pattern TypePrimary IntentTypical Impact
CompetitiveControl the narrativeFrustration, loss of original point
CooperativeShow connection/energyCan feel overwhelming or supportive
IntrusiveClarification or distractionConfusion, broken flow
SilentSignal readiness to speakPressure to finish quickly

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HALT – Dealing With Triggers | Cleaning Up Arguments |

Here are a few phrase that act as a timeout during an argument that is facing a HALT trigger:

  • For Hunger :“I really want to hear what you’re saying and give this my full attention, but I’m realizing my blood sugar is crashed and I’m starting to get irritable. Can we pause for 20 minutes while I grab a snack so I can be more present?”
  • For Fatigue :“I care about this, but I am so exhausted right now that I’m not thinking clearly. I don’t want to say something I don’t mean because I’m tired. Can we pick this back up tomorrow morning after coffee?”
  • For Physical Pain :“My [back/head/etc.] is really hurting right now, and it’s making it hard for me to stay calm. I’m starting to feel defensive because of the pain. Let me take some ibuprofen and rest for a bit, and then let’s finish this.”

The Three Golden Rules of a Timeout

To ensure the other person doesn’t feel blocked, which can escalate their anxiety, follow the following guidelines:

  1. Use “I” Statements: Focus on your own physical state such as, “I am feeling overwhelmed”. rather than how they are behaving.
  2. Give a Time frame: Always tell them when you will be ready to continue the argument and how you would like to continue arguing.
  3. Reassure the Connection: Briefly mention that the relationship or the topic is important to you, which lowers the stakes of the pause.

By naming the physical sensation—hunger, pain, or exhaustion—you move the conflict from an emotional battle to a logistical problem. It takes a negative label off your partner and places it on the biological factor that is actually causing the friction.

If you are so angry that you need a pause and don’t want to talk anymore, use these text messages:

“Hey, I’m feeling really overwhelmed and [tired/hungry] right now. Can we take a 30-minute break so I can reset? We can start chatting by text in thirty minutes.

“I’m having a hard time focusing because of physical pain. [headache/back pain/fatigue]. I really want to hear you out, but I need to go take some meds maybe lay down for a bit. Lets restart this tomorrow or after the meds have taken the pain away. “

“I’m starting to feel angry and I don’t want to take it out on you. I’m going to grab some food and clear my head. I love you—let’s pick this back up in a few hours by text OK?”

Tips for Sending the “Timeout” Text

  • The “Check-Back” Time: Always include a specific time or duration to prevent the other person from feeling like they are being ignored.
  • The “I Love You” Buffer: If it’s a partner or close friend, adding a small reassurance like “I care about this” or “I love you” helps lower their defensive walls while you’re away.
  • Silence the Notifications: Once you send the text, put your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ for the duration of your break.
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Early Warning System | Easter Prep | Cleaning Relationships

Types of Early Warning System Signs:

  • The Filter: You start “editing” your thoughts before sharing them to avoid a specific reaction.
  • The Sigh: Feeling a sense of relief when your conversation partner leaves the house or cancels a plan.
  • Low-Level Dread: A mild, persistent tightness in your chest or stomach when you think about bringing up a specific topic with your conversation.

Communication Red Flags

These aren’t explosive discussions, they are the quiet erosion of quality interaction which lead to more serious arguments.

  • The “Whatever” Phase: Instead of arguing to find a solution, you find yourself saying fine or whatever just to end the conversation. This is emotional withdrawal.
  • The Shift to Logistics: Your conversations have become ninety percent about mundane things instead of about feelings.
  • Predictable Friction: You can predict exactly how a conversation will fail before it even starts, leading to a “why bother?” mentality.

Behavioral Shifts

Look for changes in the relationship.

FeatureHealthy RhythmWarning Signal
HumorPlayful, shared jokes.Sarcasm with a “bite” or “just kidding” barbs.
AffectionSpontaneous touch/eye contact.Touch feels performative or transactional.
CuriosityAsking “How was your day?” and caring.Making assumptions instead of asking questions.
ConflictResolving the issue at hand.Bringing up “The Greatest Hits” (past mistakes).

Use these questions to gauge your feelings and your relationships:

How have you been feeling about how we are spending our time? My journal says we have been spending time this way. Would you like to discuss this?

Is there anything I’ve done recently that made you feel annoyed? I’ve been keeping track of my emotions, I was upset on these days about these things. Do you want to talk about this?

What one thing this week can I do to make the week better? I’m will gladly _______.

Is there anything this week that has been annoying that I can fix? I noticed _____.

What is something you’re looking forward to us doing together? I miss _____.

Do you feel like you have enough alone time? Are we overscheduled? Do you want to look at our schedule and change things?

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Easter Prep |Categorize the Tone of Voice Used | Conversations |

Today, look at your conversations and decide what kind of voice you used.

Tone CategoryCommon ContextTypical Impact
WarmFamily, FriendsStrengthens bonds
CandidFeedback, Deep talkEstablishes trust
ClinicalMedical, ScientificEnsures precision
FacetiousSocial, ComedyLightens the mood
ResoluteCrisis, LeadershipProvides stability

When arguing focus on de escalation of tone to avoid turning the argument into a fight. are you using these tones?

Key Tones for De-escalation

  • Soft & Lowered: Reduce the volume used to encourage the other person to lower their voice. It signals that you are not a threat and are not looking for a shouting match.
  • Steady & Measured: Avoid sharp spikes in pitch. This demonstrates that you are in control of your emotions, which can have a positive effect on the other person’s emotional state.
  • Empathetic: This involves a warmth in the voice that conveys that the person has heard you. It validates their feelings without necessarily agreeing with their point.
  • Inquisitive (Curious): Using a rising intonation at the end of sentences to turn statements into questions.
  • Vulnerable: A softer, thinner tone that admits your own feelings without over emotion can instantly disarm an aggressive opponent.

If you notice that you use the following tones, what tone can you use to replace it to avoid escalating an argument into a fight?

  1. Sarcasm: Even if your words are polite, a sarcastic “edge” feels like a psychological jab.
  2. Condescending: The calm voice that sounds like you are talking to a child. This is often more infuriating than yelling.
  3. Apathetic: Looking or sounding like you don’t care.