Category: February

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Words to Avoid While Arguing | Lent Prep | Cleaning Argument style |

In personal relationships, the goal is usually connection and understanding. Using “absolutes” or “character attacks” makes the other person feel trapped and judged.

Word/PhraseWhy it’s DangerousBetter Alternative
“Always” / “Never”These are rarely factually true and make the person feel like a lost cause.“In this specific instance…”
“But”It effectively erases everything you said before it (e.g., “I love you, but…”).Use “And” or “At the same time…”
“Anyway”A dismissive way to shut down the other person’s feelings mid-sentence.“I hear you. Let’s look at…”
“Calm down”This almost always has the opposite effect. It minimizes their emotions.“I can see you’re upset. I want to listen.”
“Divorce” / “Over”Using the “nuclear option” during a minor spat destroys trust and security.Keep the focus on the current issue.

In a professional setting, the goal is problem-solving and efficiency. Words that imply a lack of accountability or emotional volatility can damage your reputation.

  • “Fair”: Using the phrase “It’s not fair” can sound juvenile in a business context. Work isn’t always balanced; focus on impact or resources instead.
  • “Actually”: This often comes across as condescending or “mansplaining.” It creates a power struggle over who is “more right.”
  • “Whatever”: This is the ultimate passive-aggressive shutdown. It signals that you’ve checked out and no longer respect the process.
  • “Fault”: Pointing fingers creates a culture of fear. Focus on the root cause of the error rather than the person behind it.
  • “Obviously”: If it were obvious, you probably wouldn’t be arguing. This makes the other person feel unintelligent.

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Compliments | Cleaning Up Argument Style | Lent Prep |

In a high-stakes or heated work discussion, a well-placed written compliment acts as a de-escalation tool. It shifts the dynamic from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem” by validating the other person’s professional value without necessarily conceding your technical point.

The Respect your knowledge Pivot

When you disagree on a direction, lead with a compliment regarding their specialized knowledge.

  • The Script: I see the logic in your approach. My concern is specifically about the timeline…”
  • Why it works: It acknowledges their focus on facts and logic before you introduce a conflict.

The Strategy

If an argument is getting circular or heated, compliment their engagement or passion. This reframes the conflict as shared investment in the project.

The email no. __

In a long email chain where misunderstandings may be fueled. Begin a new email with a summary and a compliment. Articulate a specific point, even if you disagree with the conclusion.

Best Practices for “Conflict Compliments”

RuleDescription
Avoid “But”Replace “You’re great, but…” with “You’re great, and my perspective is…” This prevents the compliment from feeling like a hollow setup for a hit.
Be BriefIn an argument, long-winded praise can feel patronizing, too short can sound sarcastic.
Focus on IntentIf their method is wrong, compliment their intent. (“I know your goal is to save the team time, which I truly appreciate…”)

The Post-Argument “Olive Branch”

Sometimes the best written compliment happens after the meeting. Sending a quick follow-up message with a JPG to avoid creating a permanent grudge.

Example: “Hey, thanks for the candid feedback in the meeting today. I really admire that you aren’t afraid to challenge the status quo—it helps the whole team think critically. Let’s touch base on the final version tomorrow over coffee?

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Interruption Styles | Discussions | Easter / Lent Prep

Today, figure out the ways that you interrupt conversations and why.

Competitive Interruptions

This is the most “traditional” form of interrupting. The goal is to direct the conversation toward the interrupter’s agenda.

Cooperative Interruptions

Common in “high-engagement” cultures, these are meant to show enthusiasm and rapport. The interrupter isn’t trying to stop the speaker; they are trying to participate in the thought.

Intrusive Interruptions

These are often perceived as the most disruptive because they break the speaker’s train of thought without adding value to the topic at hand.

Silent or Non-Verbal Interruptions

You don’t always need to speak to interrupt. These patterns signal that the listener has checked out or is waiting for their turn.

Pattern TypePrimary IntentTypical Impact
CompetitiveControl the narrativeFrustration, loss of original point
CooperativeShow connection/energyCan feel overwhelming or supportive
IntrusiveClarification or distractionConfusion, broken flow
SilentSignal readiness to speakPressure to finish quickly

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Cleaning Up Argument Texts | Emoji Use | Easter/Lent Prep

Today, decide what kind of emojis you will use in your texting with friends and have an agreement on what the emojis mean for your friends.

Proper Emoji Use:

CategoryEmojisBest Use Case
Friendly/Polite😊 🙂 👋Acknowledge a message without being cold.
Agreement👍 ✅ 👌 🙌“Got it,” “Sounds good,” or “Great job.”
Humor (Safe)😂 🤣 💀Standard reaction to something funny.
Thoughtful🤔 🧐 📝Use when discussing an idea or “thinking out loud.”
The “Softener”✨ ☕ ☀️Adds a bit of cheer to a morning text or a plain sentence.

Avoid these Emojis to keep the Text Away From Weird Flirting

  • The “Heart” Variants: ❤️ 💖 💘 (Even the classic red heart is often seen as romantic.
  • The Faces: 😉 (The wink is the universal sign for “I’m flirting/teasing”), 😍 (Heart eyes), or 😘 (Blowing a kiss).

3 Rules for G-Rated Texting Etiquette

1. One is Enough Over-using emojis such as “See you there! 😊😊😊✨✨” can come across as overly eager or “bubbly” in a way that might be misread as romantic interest. Stick to one or two per message.

2. Match the Energy If they don’t use emojis, keep yours to a minimum. If you send a string of emojis to someone who only uses periods, it creates a “personality gap” that can feel awkward.

3. Use the “Business Test” If you wouldn’t feel comfortable sending that specific emoji to a friendly coworker or a cousin, don’t send it to the person you’re trying to keep things platonic.

Example of a G-Rated “Softener”:

  • Without emoji: “I’ll be there at 5.”
  • With emoji: “5pm! 👍 or 1700?👍
  • Both are fine. Place in your agreement how you feel about emoji’s and how you would like to use them with your text partner.
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HALT – Dealing With Triggers | Cleaning Up Arguments |

Here are a few phrase that act as a timeout during an argument that is facing a HALT trigger:

  • For Hunger :“I really want to hear what you’re saying and give this my full attention, but I’m realizing my blood sugar is crashed and I’m starting to get irritable. Can we pause for 20 minutes while I grab a snack so I can be more present?”
  • For Fatigue :“I care about this, but I am so exhausted right now that I’m not thinking clearly. I don’t want to say something I don’t mean because I’m tired. Can we pick this back up tomorrow morning after coffee?”
  • For Physical Pain :“My [back/head/etc.] is really hurting right now, and it’s making it hard for me to stay calm. I’m starting to feel defensive because of the pain. Let me take some ibuprofen and rest for a bit, and then let’s finish this.”

The Three Golden Rules of a Timeout

To ensure the other person doesn’t feel blocked, which can escalate their anxiety, follow the following guidelines:

  1. Use “I” Statements: Focus on your own physical state such as, “I am feeling overwhelmed”. rather than how they are behaving.
  2. Give a Time frame: Always tell them when you will be ready to continue the argument and how you would like to continue arguing.
  3. Reassure the Connection: Briefly mention that the relationship or the topic is important to you, which lowers the stakes of the pause.

By naming the physical sensation—hunger, pain, or exhaustion—you move the conflict from an emotional battle to a logistical problem. It takes a negative label off your partner and places it on the biological factor that is actually causing the friction.

If you are so angry that you need a pause and don’t want to talk anymore, use these text messages:

“Hey, I’m feeling really overwhelmed and [tired/hungry] right now. Can we take a 30-minute break so I can reset? We can start chatting by text in thirty minutes.

“I’m having a hard time focusing because of physical pain. [headache/back pain/fatigue]. I really want to hear you out, but I need to go take some meds maybe lay down for a bit. Lets restart this tomorrow or after the meds have taken the pain away. “

“I’m starting to feel angry and I don’t want to take it out on you. I’m going to grab some food and clear my head. I love you—let’s pick this back up in a few hours by text OK?”

Tips for Sending the “Timeout” Text

  • The “Check-Back” Time: Always include a specific time or duration to prevent the other person from feeling like they are being ignored.
  • The “I Love You” Buffer: If it’s a partner or close friend, adding a small reassurance like “I care about this” or “I love you” helps lower their defensive walls while you’re away.
  • Silence the Notifications: Once you send the text, put your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ for the duration of your break.
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Easter Prep | Argue Turning into a Fight | What is in the Toxic Sink?

Today, make a list of what is in the Toxic Sink topics turn an argument into a fight in your relationship.

1. Character Assassination

Instead of discussing a specific behavior, the topic shifts to the person’s fundamental nature. This moves the goalpost from “you did something wrong” to “there is something wrong with you.”

  • The Switch: Changing “You forgot to call” to “You are incredibly selfish and unreliable.”
  • The Effect: This triggers an immediate defensive response because the person feels they have to defend their entire character rather than solve a simple issue.

2. Historical Inventory that May Be Toxic

This involves bringing up every past mistake or unresolved grievance from the last five years. It’s called “kitchen sinking” because you throw in everything but the kitchen sink.

  • The Switch: Changing “We need to budget better” to “And while we’re at it, remember that time you overspent in 2022? And how you never listen to my mom?”
  • The Effect: The original problem gets buried under a mountain of old hurt, making it impossible to reach a resolution.

3. Absolute Generalizations

Using words like “always” or “never” expands a single incident into a permanent pattern.

  • The Switch: Changing “I’m frustrated you’re late” to “You never show up for me when it matters.”
  • The Effect: It feels like a trap. Since it’s almost never true that someone never does something, the argument becomes a technical debate about history rather than an emotional connection.

4. Comparison to Others

Invoking a third party—usually a parent, an ex-partner, or a “perfect” friend—is one of the fastest ways to trigger volatility.

  • The Switch: “You’re acting just like your father.”
  • The Effect: This introduces a “phantom” participant into the fight, making the person feel judged against a standard they didn’t agree to.

5. Weaponizing Vulnerabilities

Bringing up things the other person shared in confidence during a moment of closeness is a massive breach of trust.

  • The Switch: Using a partner’s fear of failure or a past trauma as a way to “win” the current point.
  • The Effect: This creates a deep sense of betrayal that often outlasts the actual argument.
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Conflicts and Arguments | Relationship Audit | List Three

For Day Two of Easter Prep, create a list of three arguments that are common in your relationship with your friends, spouse and family. Whether you’re arguing over a bar tab or a curfew, most conflicts boil down to a few core tensions. Here are three recurring arguments across those three relationship categories:

1. Friends

Friend argue when unwritten rules in their relationship are broken.

  • The Flakiness Factor: You always cancel last minute. I’m the only one who ever reaches out. It’s less about the event and more about an imbalance of effort in the relationship.
  • A Relationship Shift: Arguments often erupt when one friend gets into a serious relationship or joins a new social circle, leaving the other feeling deprioritized or replaced or ignored.
  • Money and Social Stakes: When planning events, the cost or the subject of the social interaction may be causing conflicts.

2. Dating Partners: The “Integration” Issues

In romantic relationships, arguments usually stem from trying to merge two separate lives into one cohesive unit.

  • The Labor Load: This covers everything from who does the dishes to who remembers the birthdays. It’s a recurring fight about perceived fairness and mental energy.
  • Communication Styles: One person wants to talk it out immediately, while the other needs space to process. This creates a cycle where one feels ignored and the other feels smothered.
  • The Friendship Spectrum: Even in established couples, this manifests as disagreements over the pace of the relationship—when to move in, how much time to spend with in-laws, or future life goals.

Most of these arguments aren’t actually about the dishes, the text messages or a curfew. They are usually about a deeper need for respect, appreciation, or security.

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40 Day Lent Starts on Wednesday February 18, 2026

Today, Clean out your washer and dryer. Below are some tips on cleaning out both machines and some maintenance suggestions:

Clean the Washer

  • The Tub Clean: Most modern washers have a “Tub Clean” cycle. If yours doesn’t, use the Heavy Duty or Whites setting with the hottest water available.
  • The Cleaning Agent: Use a specialized washing machine cleaner tablet, or substitute with 2 cups of white vinegar poured directly into the drum.
  • The Gasket (Front-Loaders Only): This is the rubber ring around the door. Wipe it down with a 1:1 solution of vinegar and water. Be sure to peel back the folds to find trapped hair, coins, or slime.
  • The Filter: Locate the small hatch at the bottom front of the machine. Place a towel down, unscrew the filter, and rinse out the debris.

Clean the Dryer

  • The Lint Screen: Beyond emptying it after every load, wash the screen with warm soapy water once a month. Dryer sheets can leave a waxy film that restricts airflow even if the screen looks “clean.”
  • The Housing: Use a vacuum hose attachment to reach into the slot where the lint screen sits. You’d be surprised how much lint bypasses the trap.
  • The Drum: Wipe the interior drum with a microfiber cloth and a bit of rubbing alcohol or stainless steel cleaner to remove any transferred dyes or wax from dryer sheets.
  • The Exhaust Vent: At least once a year, disconnect the large silver hose from the back of the dryer and vacuum it out, or use a vent cleaning brush kit to clear the path to the outside wall.

Maintenance Tips

ComponentActionFrequency
Washer DoorLeave it propped open after use to prevent mold.Every load
Detergent DrawerPull it out and rinse away “goop.”Monthly
Dryer VentInspect the exterior flap for airflow.Seasonally