There are unspoken rules for space and touch during a conversation that determine how comfortable people feel during an interaction. Understanding these helps prevent “space invading” and ensures both parties feel safe and respected.
The Four Zones of Personal Space
Sociologists state that there are four distinct “proxemic” boundary zones.
| Zone | Distance | Typical Relationship |
| Intimate | 0 – 18 inches | Close family, partners, or very close friends. |
| Personal | 1.5 – 4 feet | Friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. |
| Social | 4 – 12 feet | New acquaintances, formal business, or groups. |
| Public | 12+ feet | Public speaking or passing strangers. |
During a conversation you may encounter:
Handshakes, high-fives, or a hand on the shoulder or elbow.
Standing face-to-face or in an angled direction.
Different forms of eye contact from too much to too little.
The dynamics of being at different heights. A feeling of boundary violation may occur if the conversationalists are at extreme height differences.
How to Define Your Boundaries
You have every right to decide how much space you need.
If the other person is too close, you have the right to pivot your body away from theirs or take a step back and place an object between you like a tablet or a chair.
If you don’t want to be hugged or to shake hands, a polite wave, ”Hang Ten”, hand over heart or a slight bow works to acknowledge someone in a respectful way and avoid touching.
If someone ignores your physical cues, it’s okay to end the conversation. Be clear. Use “I” statements to keep it from sounding like an attack on that person:
- “Do you mind if we step back a bit/Do you mind if we continue this later? I have to leave soon.”
- “It’s great to see you! I no longer shake hands with anyone except at contract signings. It has to do with clearance, work and security, fun things that go with promotion.”
- “Wow! I’m not used to talking so closely to someone. Have you been living in Europe?”
